Put ‘Em Away [Another Bachelor Recap]

January 30, 2013 · 37 comments

You know, I always feel guilty diminishing my fitness blog to this (which lately hasn’t revolved around fitness as much anyway due to my lack of time to write). However, I can’t not comment. This season of The Bachelor is ridiculous. Maybe it’s because I’m so invested in Sean and his well-being, but I truly feel like these girls are more banana sandwich than ever this time around.

Screen shot 2013-01-30 at 8.25.23 AM(all photos on this post courtesy of abc.com)

I have a few friends who write awesome Bachelor recaps, so I will continue to shy away from giving you all a play-by-play. As usual, I just want to recap some of my reactions to this week’s episode to make sure I’m not the only one seeing this.

Also, I will probably always be a day late. Sadly, a 4 a.m. wakeup call does not lend to late-night T.V. viewing, and I had to break this episode up into two nights so I could be in bed at 9 last night.

1. Selma, 1-on-1 Date #1 lost any respect she ever had from me with the “Can you handle all 110 pounds of me?” line.

Excuse me? Are twenty of those pounds your breasteses in very plain view for all to see? I completely respect that you’re not comfortable kissing Sean on-camera with your mom’s strict beliefs… but the boobs are fair game? I gueesss that’s different. Who am I? What do I know? Maybe if I weighed 110 pounds and had boobs like those I’d be telling everyone about it on my first date, too. MAYBE I’m just jealous (who are we kidding, of course I’m jealous).

Screen shot 2013-01-30 at 8.27.33 AM

I also really enjoyed the progression of how jazzed up she was when she saw a jet…

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Followed by how annoyed she was when she realized she was being put in a desert and being made to do physical activity.

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“Sean, don’t you know? We pay for these bodies. Not all girls are athletic.”

She didn’t say that. I’m totally putting words in her mouth. But I’m sure you all enjoyed listening to her groan and grunt as she climbed up that mountain as much as I did.

That, my friends, is sarcasm.

I also can’t get over how Sean talks about how admirable it is that she rolled with the punches for this “less glamorous” date. Um, I would be psyched if my boyfriend took me rock climbing. In fact, I’m going to suggest it. And I’m going to consider it extremely glamorous… in a most likely stinky rock-climbing gym without a jet and without the amazing scenery. Glamour at its best!

Let us turn our attention to Tierra. You knew this was coming.

2. Dear Sean (and all men on this show in general), the one who doesn’t get along with the rest of the group for some odd reason? The one who explains how she just doesn’t know why everyone misunderstands her? USUALLY the batshit one.

Screen shot 2013-01-30 at 8.24.56 AM

I take that back. Not usually. ALWAYS. 100% of the time. C’mon, man. You don’t need to watch many seasons to catch onto this trend. At least he got rid of Amanda last night.

But for real, how many times have you heard a girl say “Oh, I actually love drama.” I’ll give you a $20 for every time you’ve heard that come out of some girl’s mouth in a serious manner.

And for real, guys. Tierra HATES drama. As evidenced by her very dramatic “fall” she had on the stairs, this week’s crazytown unprovoked outburst, and next week’s previews. Totally anti-drama.

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3. I like Leslie H., but oh myyyy gooodness. 🙁

Leslie seemed extremely genuine. I really liked the girl. But she was either way too honest or a tad obsessive. For me, her interactions with him seemed more “OMGI’MONADATEWITHSEANLOWE” than I’m going to try and see if this guy and I are a match.”

Screen shot 2013-01-30 at 9.01.03 AM

The sleeping with the diamond earrings under the pillow… sigh. My heart just hurt for her. I liked her a lot, but I wasn’t surprised when Sean sent her packing.

I’m sure that date was super fun for him, too. I liked how after the fourth dress try-on he gave her the ol’ “That’s enough. I like that one. Wear that.”

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Speaking of Sean not giving her the rose. I will say I was proud of him for finding fault in someone. I love how he wears his heart on his sleeve and doesn’t hesitate to pour his heart out to girls, telling them what he likes about them, but seeing him tell several girls in the house he is crazy about them was seeming a little odd.

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Sad for Leslie H., but I’m proud of Sean for weeding out the pack.

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4. Can I give a Bravo with a capital “B” to Sara for the hair last night? Is it insensitive to ask who on earth is doing her hair? It was rockin’. She was rockin’. And who can point me to the best how-to fishtail braid video? As a big fan of the easy-peasy side braid, I need to jump on this train.

P.S. I like Catherine.

P.P.S. I think Jackie is beautiful.

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P.P.P.S. I still think I really like Lesley the best, but I guess I don’t really think she’s a great fit for Sean.

And that concludes my notes from the episode I would like to rename “Put Yo’ Boobies Away.”

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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }

1 lesley January 30, 2013 at 10:37 am

and this is why i always come back to your blog! so many of the same. exact. thoughts. i hate when they do the “pretty woman” dates–even though the girls get a kick out of it, it’s really the worst date ever. what guy likes that?!
and i loved sarah’s hair too!


2 em @ living & learning January 30, 2013 at 10:53 am

AMEN to making note of Selma who cannot kiss Sean but can display her boobs. JESUS! & yes, I actually said I would much rather go rock-climbing on a date then to a fancy dinner, seriously that looked SO FUN.

Also, Lesley H. was adorable and it broke my heart to hear Sean send her home, although I too knew it was coming!

& who is Jackie? I feel like each week we see nothing from or about her! I’m so confused, but yes she is beautiful!
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3 Sokphal January 30, 2013 at 11:19 am

Doesn’t Selma look like Ashley Greene?! No kissies, but putting your boobies are obviously okay for her. I was surprised when she mentioned her weight as well. Not necessary girl! Also, if she and Sean were to get married (they’re not)…would he have to convert as well? How would that work? Also, Amanda was much livelier this in this episode. Last few she was weirrrd, just always glaring at the other girls.


4 Hollie January 30, 2013 at 11:26 am

Oh my gosh I was thinking the same thing about her hair. I really want to learn how to fishtail but everytime I do it…ugh anyways. She lost my respect too..ain’t no one care about your weight. She is a cute girl, don’t get me wrong but I’m not seeing her staying until then end. (I hope I didn’t jynx it).
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5 Kristen @ bostonrunnergirl.com January 30, 2013 at 12:04 pm

This is an AMAZING recap. I thought the exact same thing about every single point you made!


6 Emily R. January 30, 2013 at 1:15 pm

COMPLETELY agree with all of this! When Selma proclaimed her weight, I knew she was starving for the attention, because let’s be honest, what woman in her right mind would ever say that? And the pet names were driving me nuts, too, “baby” “babe”… whatever. And she ALWAYS had to be touching him, like on top of him. Maybe that is his cup of tea, but I like muh space!

Tierra reminds me of Courtney, both have terrible eyebrows and SUCK. End of story.

Lesley H. was too much… TOO MURCH (said in my best Madia voice).

Fish tail braiding is EASY. Split your hair in two down the center and pull from the outside of each side across to the other side until you have finished, and then fan it out using your hands. YouTube it, Lauren Conrad knows all.

I can’t wait to hear your TWO NIGHT bachelor recap next week. 🙂


7 Jessica @ Prayers and Apples January 30, 2013 at 1:17 pm

i don’t watch the bachelor but it’s all good girl! my whole post is TV-themed today haha 🙂
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8 Tess @ Cross Country Cajun January 30, 2013 at 1:24 pm

I haven’t seen any of the Bachelor episodes this season (shame I know) but I really love your recaps. I feel like I don’t have to miss out on anything and your commentary is so hilarious (and so on point). I almost spit out my coffee at “20 lbs of breasteses.” Keep the recaps coming!
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9 Courtney January 30, 2013 at 1:55 pm

THIS is amazing. Seriously, your recaps and doctored photos just make. me. laugh.

AND (!!) I totally thought the same. exact. thing. about Sara’s hair. I was thinking she looked awesome, and how one would do that with one hand. I wonder if one of the girls in the house did it? Hmm..

I agree with everything in this post- it’s crazy. Selma lost me on that line, Jackie is beautiful (reminds me of the little mermaid for some reason ? ) and I love Catherine.

Can’t wait for next week’s recap 🙂


10 Bari January 30, 2013 at 2:52 pm

These recaps rock! I agree with every one of your points and cannot WAIT for Sean to realize how batshit crazy Tierra is. Even my 15 year old daughter agrees with me on that one.

I need awesome hair period. Growing it out and having it all wavy and crazy right now is so not a good look, IMO. I need me some style like these ladies.
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11 Angela January 30, 2013 at 3:33 pm

I totally agree about Selma and Tierra… And everything you said, especially about Sarah’s hair. 🙂 I was thinking…they do their own hair duh. But then I remembered about the one arm an realized there’s a very slim possibility of doing a fishtail braid with one arm, I can’t even do it with 2 arms! I don’t think it’s insensitive, just truth. I just wrote my bachelor recap and I really didn’t get how Selma would not kiss him, but it was ok to flaunt your girls and be all over him…doesn’t seem to make much sense to me. Gosh I get way too invested in this show. 🙂
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12 Brittany @ GOtheXtraMile January 30, 2013 at 4:10 pm

This was the best recap I’ve ever seen. I wondered too about how she can let her boobs hang all out but she can’t kiss Sean? Weird to me.
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13 Kristen @ notsodomesticated January 30, 2013 at 4:39 pm

I’m thinking maybe one of the other girls did Sara’s hair?? Regardless, she looked gorgeous. I really like her.

Isn’t Catherine the one who pulled him away to kiss him? I liked her at first, but I thought she was acting like a little girl on Monday night’s episode.

And I always think it’s ridiculous when the guys say, “I loved that she rolled with the punches and enjoyed the X, Y, or Z thing that I made her do.” OF COURSE she’s not going to complain! OF COURSE she’s not going to tell you what she REALLY thinks! She’s trying to WIN you! Just wait until you’re married … then the truth comes out. 😉
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14 Katie @ Talk Less, Say More January 30, 2013 at 6:15 pm

Oh thank goodness! I’m so glad I wasn’t alone on the “Can you handle all 110 pounds of me?” line. I wasn’t a big fan of her but we hadn’t seen too much of her yet so I didn’t have much to go on. As soon as she said that though, I was done. Someone needs to kick Sean in the nuts and bring him back to earth – I think he’s just excited he’s got so many ladies wanting him. And I like him, so I’m not hating.
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15 Katie @ Peace Love & Oats January 30, 2013 at 8:34 pm

Hahahaha I totally agree with Selma, she can’t kiss the guy but her boobs can be all out for the world to see?! I’m sure her parents loved that. My favorite line? She’s Tierrible…
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16 Amy @ Living N Learning January 30, 2013 at 10:01 pm

You stole my thoughts on Tierra exactly! C’mon man! Get with the program and kick her out, please!
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17 Emily January 30, 2013 at 10:55 pm

I love your Bachelor(ette) recaps so much! Seriously, how does Sean not see how batshit crazy Tierra is? Do you think the producer kind of force him to keep her on there for the ratings? Totally agree about Selma–she’s gorgeous, but that comment really turned me off and she seems too high maintenance for Sean. Jackie is hot, I’m hoping to see some more of her and Sean together. I feel like she’s the “sneaker” girl that’s going to make it to the to 4 without anyone even knowing her. I’m pulling for Des and Leslie!


18 Carly @ Snack Therapy January 31, 2013 at 12:00 am

OMG, I could talk about this episode forever. (I’m very cultured.) Selma looked pissed to be walking around in the desert. I thought she was going to start crying and/or yelling.

And can we talk about the ridiculous number of ambulances this season? They just keep on comin’! These girls are really “falling” for Sean. Baaaaad pun. Verrrry bad.
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19 Sami January 31, 2013 at 11:06 am

all I have to say is…. A MEN… to EVERYTHING in this post <3
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20 Larissa January 31, 2013 at 12:09 pm

I’m a new reader and I just have to say I’m so glad you recap the bachelor cause its totally my guilty pleasure. I too was annoyed, amused, and jealous by selma’s 110 lb thing, she just had to get that in on national tv!


21 Kenda January 31, 2013 at 2:26 pm

Lesley M. is totally my favorite! I liked Des the best at first but now she is getting a little annoying. And they have to keep Tierra around, cause who else is going to make the show interesting.
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22 Jillian January 31, 2013 at 3:45 pm

I love to fishtail braid and I am terrible at braids in general. I watched these 2 videos. When your first learning its easier to do it with an elastic/pony tail but you can take it out once the braid is in if you do the braid tight enough. I haven’t faithfully be watching the bachelor this season so thanks for the little recaps! Love your blog by the way.



23 Holly January 31, 2013 at 7:55 pm

Oh my gosh, Alyssa, how I love your bachelor recaps so much. Don’t ever stop. Please.
& by the way, I still think Sean’s perfect match is Y-O-U! 😀
Oh, and PS: New job details?! XO
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24 Karla @ myhighonlife February 4, 2013 at 3:31 pm

That’s all I had to say during that whole rock climbing date was PUT THOSE AWAY. Ickkk.

Your recaps are outstanding and I look forward to this next one. Can Tierra just go home already?!
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