The Bachelorette: The Men Tell All Conclusions

July 18, 2012 · 33 comments

Sorry for the lack of Bachelor posting last week. I had too many feelings and just needed to regroup.

You may be saying, “Why, Lyss? We thought you wanted Emily to be an idiot and let Sean go. ‘Off the hook and plopped back into the dating pool,’ right?”

And you’re right. I’m a little bit selfish. But I then realized it meant I no longer had an excuse to splash the likes of Sean all over this blog.


Sorry. Just getting them all in while I still can.

How about we all petition for Sean to be the next Bachelor? You’d just have to excuse me while I dedicated all my time to making the best Bachelor video application ABC has ever seen. I’d pop out of the limo and Sean would be all…

And, you know, I’d do my foxy strut up to the ol’ mansion.

That costume would actually be superb. Maybe I should just wear the loofah costume. A different color loofah for each date. The Bachelor would be so enchanted.

(Thank God for all these sweet gifs, right? It’s like they tell the story for me.)

And then he’d be all “You’re selective, I’m selective… let’s do this thing.”

Can’t say I didn’t warn you all. I’ll hit you with some wedding invites eventually.

Aaaand just like that, I’ve gone off an a serious tangent. On to my conclusions from The Men Tell All episode, which I’m sure mirror basically everyone else’s thoughts.

1. Big bro five for Emily for putting Kalon in his place… again. What’s with the guys of this season? They all just think they are the greatest thing to walk to planet.
2. Speaking of those kinda guys, holy moses, can Ryan grow a beard. Unfortunately for him, it makes him no less of a douchebag.
3. I’ve got some stiff competition. The word “Sean” seems to elicit lots and lots of screamy girls.
4. Still Team Jef.

Jef with one F may not have been my pick, but I’ve been swayed. They’re just so goshdarn cute together. When I picture cupid, I now kinda picture Jef with little wings and a bow and arrow. His little bare-butt baby heart deserves loves and happiness.
5. Stop teasing us, Chris Harrison. We all see you trying to convince us Emily quits it all next week. I’m not falling for your trickery.

And just like that, it’s finale week.

Oh, Sean. I’ll miss you, too. It’s okay. We’ll figure something out.

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Rachel July 18, 2012 at 2:33 pm

hahaha omg this is hysterical lol I would so watch it if you were on the show! lol
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2 Kaitlyn @ Chocolate Running Shoes July 18, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I’m CONVINCED that Sean is the next Bachelor. How could he not be? And when he said “I hope I find love sooner, rather than later….”….I mean, yes, yes, yes….Sean MUST be the next bachelor!!!!!!!!!! I refuse to compromise with ABC on this.
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3 Ashley @ My Food 'N' Fitness Diaries July 18, 2012 at 2:43 pm

hahaha i love you and your bachelorette thoughts and reviews! do/have you read the reality steve spoilers?
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4 cait July 18, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I laughed so hard at this! I LOVE SEAN and pray he’ll be the next bachelor 🙂 obviously you should get on the show asap and where the costume. i’d LOVe it and scream for ya if it helps haha. xo
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5 Chelsea @ Chelsea Eats Treats July 18, 2012 at 2:45 pm

My favorite: “I just hope you find faith in something bigger than your Prada shoes and your rented helicopter.”

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6 Talia @ Bite Size Wellness July 18, 2012 at 3:14 pm

Love that you are my bachette friend. Holy crap Kalon is annoying…I am pretty upset to see him getting loved on by Lindsay in the bach pad previews!!
I think Jef is going to win…and Sean will be the next bach. Which means you will be on TV so I am looking forward to that. 🙂
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7 Brittany (Healthy Slice of Life) July 18, 2012 at 3:21 pm

I took the bait. I think she quits it all. I hope I’m wrong and her and Je(f) skip off into the sunset together.
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8 Tina @ Best Body Fitness July 18, 2012 at 4:08 pm

You should SOOOO go on the show! I would petition like crazy for you. I could seriously see it. 100% seriously see it.

And now I have images of a baby butt cupid Jef in my head. Thanks? Haha!
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9 Alysha @Shesontherun July 18, 2012 at 4:14 pm

Great post. Sean is so hot! Why? What were you thinking, Emily! ?
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10 Liz @ Southern Charm July 18, 2012 at 4:29 pm

Bahahaha. Love this. Yes, you and Sean belong together! Can’t wait for my invite!!
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11 Mer July 18, 2012 at 4:31 pm

I lost it when I scrolled to the crab costume bit. Freakin’ hysterical. Thanks for the laughs, as always!!!


12 Caryln @ carylnrambles July 18, 2012 at 4:56 pm

i felt bad for Sean but I def. now Team Jef. Not going to lie, Ari was a front runner for me at the beginning of the season until that whole drama with the producer and now every time he talks I want to punch him in the face a little bit.
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13 Angela July 18, 2012 at 5:06 pm

Can Sean be any more perfect? This man is seriously a class act!
Thanks for this post! Can’t get enough of Sean Lowe!


14 Laura July 18, 2012 at 5:52 pm

hahaha I dont even watch the Bachelorette but I love your updates cause they are always so funny.
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15 Haley July 18, 2012 at 8:48 pm

Sean is precious! Awww! Whatttttt a cutie pie! (:


16 Yellow Haired Girl July 18, 2012 at 9:50 pm

Chris Harrison. Such a tricky fella.

Love the recap girl!
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17 Lisa July 19, 2012 at 12:07 am

This was just great. I say road-trip to Sean’s hometown and find him at a bar. Too far?
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18 Emily @ Glitz Glam Granola July 19, 2012 at 12:23 pm

Yay for your Bachelorette post! I’ve been looking forward to reading what you had to say about your favorite contender getting eliminated. I decided on the after the final rose that Sean is gorgeous, but not so much when he’s super tan– not loving how his eyebrows fade away then! And I think it’s pretty much a shoe in that he’ll be the next bach so you should def apply. I’m split when it comes to Jef and Arie though– I really like them both!
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19 angela July 19, 2012 at 12:40 pm

I think she puts off the final decision and she’ll announce it on the after the final rose LIVE!


20 Living, Learning, Eating July 19, 2012 at 2:58 pm

I don’t even know what this post was about – SO. MANY. MEN. So distracting 😛
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21 Nicholle Olores July 19, 2012 at 9:40 pm

I am glad that I read your bachelorette post and I am probably amaze of what read. I think she has the final decision. Thanks for sharing this!
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22 Megan Z. July 20, 2012 at 8:42 am

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