We Need to Talk Bachelorette.

I’m going to get super intellectual on you guys again.

We need to talk Bachelorette.

I have mentioned my love for the trash T.V. show before, and I’ve even told you why I should be on the Bachelor.

I have avoided the topic on here for several reasons:

1. I typically watch it at least a day late. By the time I’m ready to talk about it, it’s old news and everybody’s over it.
2. My friends Debbie and Ashley recap every episode fantastically. I refuse to compete with that.

But now, I have too many points up for discussion. The first being the fact that I have finally found my one and only.

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Yes, Sean. I will give you 60,000 roses. And the rest of my life.

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He’s also from Texas. Whatever. I could do Texas.

 

I will also snottily point out that he has been my favorite from day 1. As in, before two weeks ago when Emily and the rest of the world was too busy swooning over Arie to notice Sean’s perfection. Where there’s a beefy blondey………… there’s Alyssa.

I digress. That was point #1. I’ve been saying for the past few weeks that Sean is my favorite by far, but I’d rather Emily not choose him.

You know, so he can be mine, instead.

Point Numero Dos: Thank God Kalon turned out to be on a whole new level of douche baggery. He and Emily together in a photo for the finale may surpass my veneer sighting quota for the rest of my life. The whiter-than-white slightly-protruding-rows-of-perfect-chompers level was getting a little unreal. Aren’t the veneers a little much when you can’t fit your mouth around them?

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I had a few “oh no he di-int” moments when I would tell her to stop talking. I can pretty confidently say I’d have gotten rid of him shortly after he spoke to me as if I was his unruly dog.

And speaking of Kalon packing his bags, can we talk about that? Point numero tres. The scene Kalon’s insensitivity created was great television and all, but I can’t help beginning to feel skeptical. I obviously can’t easily put myself in Emily’s shoes since I have yet to produce offspring, but I am starting to feel like Emily is expecting too much out of these bachelors when it comes to feelings about Ricki. Emily is expecting them to absolutely adore and cherish Ricki before even meeting the child. Should your average 25-30 year old guy be expected to gush over her before they have the chance to fall in love with the sweet little girl? I want to flick Emily in the ear and tell her they need to actually meet her daughter before they “get it.”

I agree, Kalon was insensitive for calling Ricki “baggage.” That’s definitely not cool, and I have been repeatedly impressed by how protective Emily is in regards to Ricki. I agreed with her decision to not let Ryan meet her on their first date, and I was virtually high-fiving her for that move. However, I feel like any guy telling Emily he already loves Ricki, she is a gift, she poops rainbows and glitter, and that “she’s a Chloe handbag” is blowing smoke up her ass. They just don’t know the child yet. Yes, Kalon was a jerk and should have been sent packing for his equating about Emily’s child to “baggage.” But I think the guys need to get to know Ricki before they decide they love her. I am impressed with how open-minded the guys are to the idea of quickly becoming a father, and I respect Emily a lot for putting that first. But, aside from the whole “when you love someone, you love everything about them, including their child” business, I still feel like she can’t expect them all to swoon over a little girl they haven’t yet met. But what do I know? I’m obviously not a mom yet.

Rant over. Can we talk about Point #5, the awkward fact that Jef with one “f” knows what a Chloe handbag is? Dude is killing me. I’m beginning to think Emily’s date plans for him should have included a drag martini bar and a Gaga jam session.

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I know, Jef. You’re adorable, but you just seem a little… well…

But, hey. If that’s what Emily likes, I’m more than happy to see her choose a good guy. Not named Sean.

I will also take back the comment I made earlier this year about how boring Emily would be as the Bachelorette. I actually think she’s my second favorite Bachelorette thus far (Ali still wins). Emily is so much less annoying than Ashley was.

You all have a great Wednesdsay. I’ll just be over here….

EDITED TO ADD: Check out Sean’s sister’s blog. Sean went to a Bachelor viewing party with his sisters’ friends to watch his first one-on-one date. See? He’s perfect.

And maybe she’ll hook a sister up if things didn’t quite work out with Em-dawg.

Tagged as: bachelorette thoughts, emily maynard bachelorette, Jef with one f, sean lowe bachelorette, the bachelorette 2012