We Need to Talk Bachelorette.

June 13, 2012 · 42 comments

I’m going to get super intellectual on you guys again.

We need to talk Bachelorette.

I have mentioned my love for the trash T.V. show before, and I’ve even told you why I should be on the Bachelor.

I have avoided the topic on here for several reasons:

  1. I typically watch it at least a day late. By the time I’m ready to talk about it, it’s old news and everybody’s over it.
  2. My friends Debbie and Ashley recap every episode fantastically. I refuse to compete with that.

But now, I have too many points up for discussion. The first being the fact that I have finally found my one and only.


Yes, Sean. I will give you 60,000 roses. And the rest of my life.

Β (original via)

He’s also from Texas. Whatever. I could do Texas.


I will also snottily point out that he has been my favorite from day 1. As in, before two weeks ago when Emily and the rest of the world was too busy swooning over Arie to notice Sean’s perfection. Where there’s a beefy blondey………… there’s Alyssa.

I digress. That was point #1. I’ve been saying for the past few weeks that Sean is my favorite by far, but I’d rather Emily not choose him.

You know, so he can be mine, instead.

Point Numero Dos: Thank God Kalon turned out to be on a whole new level of douche baggery. He and Emily together in a photo for the finale may surpass my veneer sighting quota for the rest of my life. The whiter-than-white slightly-protruding-rows-of-perfect-chompers level was getting a little unreal. Aren’t the veneers a little much when you can’t fit your mouth around them?

(originals via/via)

I had a few “oh no he di-int” moments when I would tell her to stop talking. I can pretty confidently say I’d have gotten rid of him shortly after he spoke to me as if I was his unruly dog.

And speaking of Kalon packing his bags, can we talk about that? Point numero tres. The scene Kalon’s insensitivity created was great television and all, but I can’t help beginning to feel skeptical. I obviously can’t easily put myself in Emily’s shoes since I have yet to produce offspring, but I am starting to feel like Emily is expecting too much out of these bachelors when it comes to feelings about Ricki. Emily is expecting them to absolutely adore and cherish Ricki before even meeting the child. Should your average 25-30 year old guy be expected to gush over her before they have the chance to fall in love with the sweet little girl? I want to flick Emily in the ear and tell her they need to actually meet her daughter before they “get it.”

I agree, Kalon was insensitive for calling Ricki “baggage.” That’s definitely not cool, and I have been repeatedly impressed by how protective Emily is in regards to Ricki. I agreed with her decision to not let Ryan meet her on their first date, and I was virtually high-fiving her for that move. However, I feel like any guy telling Emily he already loves Ricki, she is a gift, she poops rainbows and glitter, and that “she’s a Chloe handbag” is blowing smoke up her ass. They just don’t know the child yet. Yes, Kalon was a jerk and should have been sent packing for his equating about Emily’s child to “baggage.” But I think the guys need to get to know Ricki before they decide they love her. I am impressed with how open-minded the guys are to the idea of quickly becoming a father, and I respect Emily a lot for putting that first. But, aside from the whole “when you love someone, you love everything about them, including their child” business, I still feel like she can’t expect them all to swoon over a little girl they haven’t yet met. But what do I know? I’m obviously not a mom yet.

Rant over. Can we talk about Point #5, the awkward fact that Jef with one “f” knows what a Chloe handbag is? Dude is killing me. I’m beginning to think Emily’s date plans for him should have included a drag martini bar and a Gaga jam session.

(all via)

I know, Jef. You’re adorable, but you just seem a little… well…

But, hey. If that’s what Emily likes, I’m more than happy to see her choose a good guy. Not named Sean.

I will also take back the comment I made earlier this year about how boring Emily would be as the Bachelorette. I actually think she’s my second favorite Bachelorette thus far (Ali still wins). Emily is so much less annoying than Ashley was.

You all have a great Wednesdsay. I’ll just be over here….

EDITED TO ADD: Check out Sean’s sister’s blog. Sean went to a Bachelor viewing party with his sisters’ friends to watch his first one-on-one date. See? He’s perfect.

And maybe she’ll hook a sister up if things didn’t quite work out with Em-dawg.

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{ 34 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Em @ Living & Learning June 13, 2012 at 9:52 am

Ali has def been my favorite bachelerotte ever, but Emily is a close second, seeing how shes from Morgantown ,wv – my current place of residence as i finish school. & Sean is tooo perfect, I just watched the episode last night and wanted to jump through the TV & kiss him when he ever so nonchantantly asked her if she wanted him to carry her purse, seriously swoooooning. He’s not my type though, so you can have the beefy blondie πŸ˜‰ … I’m still pulling for Aerie I think, he’s just so laid back and funny but doesn’t mean to be funny. & i have yet to figure jef out, poor kid.
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2 Emily June 13, 2012 at 10:04 am

I love this! This show is one of my favorite guilty pleasures and I was just wondering why she waited so long to get rid of Alejandro??? You’d think she would have gotten rid of him or Kalon before Charlie, he was so cute! I’m also not a fan of Jef with one “f”, they just don’t “mesh well together” (like that Clueless quote?? hahah :)). He looks like a Bruno Mars wanna be (that hair) and just doesn’t look like her type, but hey, to each their own! Also, even though she isn’t as annoying as Ashley (dot dot dot…) her voice is so sweet and quiet that it has put me to sleep a couple of times. I actually missed Monday’s rose ceremony because I was out like a light as soon as the commerical break came on.

Sean & Arie are my favorites, but something tells me she’ll probably break one of their hearts. PS- get rid of Ryan… I can’t stand him.


3 Ashley @ My Food 'N' Fitness Diaries June 13, 2012 at 10:08 am

hahahaha you are awesome, and i couldn’t agree more with you! i’m loving Sean too… but i guess you can have him. πŸ˜‰ please do more of your thoughts on the bachelorette in the future weeks! love it!
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4 Julie @ Peanut Butter Fingers June 13, 2012 at 10:19 am

i said the SAME thing about jef (one f) knowing what a chloe handbag was… i prefer my guys to be basketball shorts-wearing fellas who think xhilaration purses are the cat’s meow.
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5 Caryln @ carylnrambles June 13, 2012 at 10:28 am

Jef seems nice and all but he looks like a teenager.. I couldn’t imagine him being a father. I’m TEAM Arie! Mostly for the same reason as you…because I’m sort of in love with Sean πŸ˜‰

Oh and Ryan needs to go!
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6 Brittany @ GOtheXtraMile June 13, 2012 at 10:38 am

I cannot tell you how perfect this post was. I agree with everyyyyything. I thought I would be super annoyed of Emily too, but Ashley was FAR more annoying!
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7 Heather (Heather's Dish) June 13, 2012 at 10:40 am

love this…i never watch the bachelorette but i love reading recaps and people’s thoughts on it! and yours, of course, are always the funniest πŸ™‚
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8 Lauren June 13, 2012 at 10:44 am

I have been in love with Sean since Reality Steve introduced him months ago!! He is just the cutest and seems genuinely sweet and kind. I will fight you for him if she doesn’t pick him ;-D WHERE are those men in my life?!?

Jef is a guy I’d be BFFs with and, apparently, would be great for a shopping trip…he seems like her brother, not a love interest. I am really confused by her attraction to him but hey, the heart surprises us sometimes!!

Ryan is kind of a tool but I think he is really funny…either he takes himself way too seriously or everything he says is sarcastic, i can’t decide!


9 Justine {Stop Me if You've Heard This One} June 13, 2012 at 10:52 am

I agree with everything said here. EVERYTHING.
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10 Angela June 13, 2012 at 11:15 am

I love that you love Sean as much as I do! Been my favorite since day one!
Have you seen his sister’s blog? Love it!


11 Coco June 13, 2012 at 11:18 am

I love Sean too…I force my boyfriend to watch the Bachelorette, and my boyf’s name is Sean, and is muscly with blonde hair so he also likes Bachelorette Sean. So you can have him since I have my own.
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12 robfiasco @ run 2 the hills June 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

maybe it’s just me, but i’ve never personally known any one that acts like these people do on these reality shows. perhaps that’s a good thing and all but seriously, where do they find ’em?
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13 Lindsay @ In Sweetness and In Health June 13, 2012 at 11:27 am

Okay, you’re making me want to watch the Bachelorette…even if it’s just to see Sean’s beautiful face and body πŸ˜‰
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14 Emily Petersen June 13, 2012 at 11:33 am

ahhhhh i loved this!! hahahha.. i think jeF is so meh… he does nothing for me, and i dont get what emily see’s in him!! omg and yes sean is a HOTTIE! like him alot!
i said i would never watch this show, but ive been finding myself watching it every week! haha


15 clare @ fittingitallin June 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm

yes. thank you. agreed on the loving Ricki thing and the questionable Jef thing. Also the most recent Life & Style digs into the background on these guys. Jef owns some save the world water non profit.

but you can have sean. I’ve never been a fan of blondes. I still love arie.
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16 Emily @ Glitz Glam Granola June 13, 2012 at 1:31 pm

Yay for posts on the Bachelorette! I love this show and think Emily is doing a good job as the Bachelorette! I love how honest she is and how she really puts it all out there (though I’m sure it helps to know that these guys are sticking with the show and won’t run at the first mention of having babies like most guys in their 20s!) I agree with you… Sean is HOT! Plus he seems like a genuinely great guy! I think Jef is getting too hard of a time for knowing what a Chloe handbag is though- I think any guy with sisters/ex-gfs who liked them might know that! But I’m still all about Arie…
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17 Nicole June 13, 2012 at 1:41 pm

You should totally be on the Bachelor! I also really like Sean. Surprisingly after I watched last night I decided that I like Jef. Before last night, I really thought of him as a little boy. Kalon-Total Douche! Having 3 of my own children, I completely agree with you regarding Emily’s expectations. I mean, that takes time for sure.
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18 Kristen @ notsodomesticated June 13, 2012 at 1:49 pm

I love Sean, but I also love Jef. I just think Jef is really cool. And actually, when I like one of the guys/girls, I usually DON’T want them to win, because it seems like things never work out for the couple. So I’d rather Jef not win, and go find himself a nice, normal girl! πŸ˜‰

And I totally agree with what you said regarding Ricki. No, Kalon shouldn’t have said what he said. But I think they all need to be honest that the idea of an immediate daughter is a little scary. It doesn’t mean they won’t love Ricki! It just means they’re be honest about the situation!
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19 Katie @ Peace Love & Oats June 13, 2012 at 1:59 pm

ahhh i love Sean too!
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20 christina June 13, 2012 at 2:11 pm

HER VENEERS!!!!!!! that’s what bothers me about her!! i could not figure it out. i love you.
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21 Talia @ Bite Size Wellness June 13, 2012 at 4:57 pm

We are basically on the same page about top dogs and not so top rose-getters. Sometimes I want ABc to let the leading lady just chop the group down when she knows their is no attraction and then spend time getting more one-on-one time with the right guys. Ya know?
The only thing I disagree about is that I think Emily is pretty boring…as far as dates go…a trashy looking hotel in WV, baking cookies, Romeo and Juliet play…where is the jumping out of airplanes and climbing the Golden Gate Bridge type of dates!?
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22 Angela @ Sleep and Repeat June 13, 2012 at 8:30 pm

totally agree about jef! i actually thought emily might be picking up on it at some point because she keeps saying, “oh he’s so aloof! i can’t read him and i really can’t tell if he’s really interested blah blah blah.” haha but when she didn’t get there i was like, “hun think about it. maybe there’s a reason you can’t tell if he’s interested?”

and i totally agree that sean is flawless. be still my beating heart!
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23 Julie June 13, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Omg I hOpe you get a date with Sean. I know who she picks my coworker read reality Steve and told me. I had the same fears as you but I agree I kind of like her!
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24 Haley @ Housegirl Haley June 13, 2012 at 9:15 pm

I’m totally going to fight you for Sean. He seems like such a sweet guy! I do like Jef (with one f) though. When I first saw him I rolled my eyes…that hair? a skateboard? really? But he seems so nice when he talks. And he has that whole non-profit water charity thing. He won me over.

I’m also right there with you with the whole Ricki thing. I’m glad she’s hasn’t met any of the guys, and I think Emily is doing a good job of making it clear that her future hubby is going to be taking on a fatherly role. But let’s get real. They can’t really love her until they meet her.
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25 Lauren @ Call Me Mrs. Rapp June 13, 2012 at 10:28 pm

I looove this post! Still laughing about your comments on Jef. When I watched this week’s episode with my hubby there was a little interaction that went like this:
*Jef: If she’s baggage, then she’s a Chloe handbag.
*Me: Do you know what Chloe is?
*Hubby: Your cousin’s name?

I died. Love him even more for not knowing the answer to that question. He did follow up with, “I know who Spade is! You just bought that purse, right?” Yes, dear, I bought a Kate Spade tote.
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26 Lisa June 14, 2012 at 12:08 am

Sean is definitely my fave! Have you read reality steve? I tried to keep off of it this year, but it sucked me in! Totally agree with everything. I am really liking Emily this season too! But, I liked her from the beginning anyways.
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27 Katie @ Talk Less, Say More June 14, 2012 at 1:31 am

Can we figure out how to share Sean? I mean reeeaaalllyyyyy….he’s freaking A-MAZ-ING!
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28 Laurie @ Love, Laugh, Laurie June 14, 2012 at 10:41 am

Not sure if you are aware, but Sean did an interview saying that he feels ready to be a father because he already feels like one to his two dogs. Shut. Your. Mouth. He is insanely, amazingly perfect. When you marry him, please post pictures of him all day long πŸ™‚
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29 Shay Shull June 14, 2012 at 11:12 am

Hey girl! It’s Sean’s sister! You’re adorable! Love you and your blog! XOXO


30 Heather June 14, 2012 at 3:33 pm

Cute site! I found it because someone from here came to my site…

TOTALLY AGREE re: the paragraph about flicking Emily in the ear!!! LOL!!

I also agree that Jef seems…not straight. What man knows about Chloe handbags, for the love of G-d?! And his hair…

Kalon’s sexuality was similarly suspicious, IMO.

I am slightly obsessed with Emily Maynard, but the girl is BORING, and she has no game. I mainly watch for the $350,000 fashion. πŸ™‚



31 Lindsey June 14, 2012 at 8:58 pm

bahaha you crack me up!! But watch it…I’ve got dibs on Sean (Mr. Perfect). LOVE him! Please keep doing Bachelorette reviews because so far, I have agreed with everything that you’ve said and laughed out loud throughout the entire thing! Ohh and yes….Ashley was the worst, most oboxious (“Bennnttlleeyy”…makes me gag) bachelorette ever. Just saying haha.


32 Olivia June 15, 2012 at 1:39 am

I agree with you girl, Sean is the way to go! I absolutely love him and Chris…they are by far my fav.
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33 Jonesy June 15, 2012 at 10:08 am

You are the bees knees for the shout out thanks boo. Also I have decided that I, Ashley Jones, surrender Sean to you. I will not fight for him. He is yours. I would like an invitation to the wedding. That is all.


34 Bailey June 26, 2012 at 9:46 pm

Sean’s sister’s blog?? Bahaha Alyssa, you aren’t creepin are you? Jk, I love reading your blog. I’m praying for the matrimony of you and sir Sean and now that I’m only 6 hours from Virginia beach I volunteer myself as an assistant wedding planner. You may view my wedding pinterest board as a resume or I can send you my wedding photos as my portfolio. Haha, you already have a dress!


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