January 30, 2012 · 33 comments

My favorite coworker (yeah, you’re my favorite, Brian.. congrats) sent met this e-mail.

To ensure I don’t hurt anybody this week (A.K.A. the craziest, most obnoxious work week of the year for me), I’ll just leave you with these today:


Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?


original via

Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?


Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up every two hours?

If the temperature is zero outside today, and it’s going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


ย Did you ever stop and wonder…

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, ‘I think I’ll squeeze these pink, dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?’

Who was the first person to say, ‘See that chicken there… I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s butt.’

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their butt when they ask where the bathroom is? (I really, really like this one)

Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs.


ย If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Go ahead, say it out loud.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO NEVER EVEN REALIZED THIS? …Now, stop singing and keep reading.

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you; but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? (bad breath?)

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster? always.

Happy Monday, everyone. Send me some good, non-stressful thoughts.

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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Nikki January 30, 2012 at 1:58 pm

I’m being the worst teacher ever right now. My kids are taking a test and I’m sitting here reading your blog, laughing out loud. I just got several “I hate you” looks. My favorite could possibly be the one about baby oil.


2 Brittany (healthy slice of life) January 30, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Woah. Twinkle twinkle and ABCs… Mind blowing!
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3 Kaitlin @4loveofcarrots January 30, 2012 at 2:17 pm

haha I love this and I def never realized twinkle twinkle little star have the same tune!

here is a highly inappropriate yet hilarious video that I really hope you find hilarious! P.s. watch in private or with headphones so you don’t offend people around you!


4 Kaitlyn @Keeping Up with Kaitlyn January 30, 2012 at 2:21 pm

This is the first time I have commented on your blog, though I have read it for a while now. But this is great! All of those were very thought-provoking and I want to share them with my friends now!! Great Post
I had no idea about the ABCs song and Twinkle Twinkle, so you are not alone!
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5 Andrea @ Andrea Out Loud! January 30, 2012 at 2:35 pm

So funny because I actually JUST realized lately that the twinkle twinkle and ABC song are the same tune.
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6 Brittany @ GOtheXtraMile January 30, 2012 at 2:35 pm

Hahaha oh my gosh, SO TRUE. Love this.


7 theAlmostRunner January 30, 2012 at 2:36 pm

Twinkle Twinkle, The ABC Song, AND Baa, Baa, Black Sheep. Bam.
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8 Colleen @ The Lunchbox Diaries January 30, 2012 at 3:01 pm

The cow one really made my day. Who DID think that?!
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9 Emilie @ Emilie's Enjoyables January 30, 2012 at 3:29 pm

hahaha this is awesome. I’m sharing this with all my friends today ๐Ÿ™‚
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10 Dorsa @ Running Thoughts January 30, 2012 at 3:39 pm

I’ve gotten that email before, it is an awesome way to start the week!

Good luck this week, I hope it isn’t as stressful as you think it will be ๐Ÿ™‚
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11 Tina @ Best Body Fitness January 30, 2012 at 3:42 pm

I love little questions like these! Never thought about the Tarzan one.

Thanks for helping make my hectic Monday morning a bit brighter. ๐Ÿ™‚
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12 Megan @ Fiterature January 30, 2012 at 4:08 pm

LOVE it!! Here are some of my favs:
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how will anyone ever know?
What is another word for thesaurus?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Is it wrong for a vegetarian to eat animal crackers?
Why does Bugs Bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but he puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?
If nothing sticks to teflon what makes the teflon stick to the pan?
Why do you park on a drive way and drive on a parkway?
Isn’t Disney World just a people trap that is operated by a mouse?
Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

Happy Monday ๐Ÿ™‚
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13 Danielle January 30, 2012 at 4:17 pm

OMG the alphabet song – I just realized it!! haha this whole post is awesome!!
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14 Chelsea January 30, 2012 at 4:20 pm

haha I love this post! Got me a good morning laugh ๐Ÿ™‚


15 Clare @ Fitting It All In January 30, 2012 at 4:21 pm

hope the week goes smoothly<3


16 Lauren January 30, 2012 at 4:36 pm

This is fabulous!


17 Tiff @ Love Sweat and Beers January 30, 2012 at 5:04 pm

Ha, good ones! There’s a light in the fridge helping my guide my way to healthy eats *most* of the time. There’s not a light in the freezer to discourage my post-bar rummaging for a frozen pizza.
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18 Steph January 30, 2012 at 5:15 pm

Haha I love this! Thank you for making my day!


19 Lindsay @ In Sweetness and In Health January 30, 2012 at 5:42 pm

OMG hahaha I loved the gyno one and I totally said “testicles” in my head ;). I love that I can be immature, it’s a fabulous quality to have.
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20 Katie @ Plates and Paste January 30, 2012 at 5:56 pm

Wow…I NEVER realized that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same tune! Holy cow, life changing.


21 Kelsey @readysetfeast January 30, 2012 at 6:22 pm

O M G ABC twinkle twinkle?? How did I never realize this. Look at all the things you’re teaching me!
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22 Annie January 30, 2012 at 6:23 pm

OMG! Awesome!

ABC and twinkle twinkle little star is a total revelation!!


23 Amber K January 30, 2012 at 6:34 pm

I love things like this. Except there’s always one that I immediately know the answer to. Banks charge insufficient funds fees so they can make more money of course ๐Ÿ˜‰
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24 Shannon January 30, 2012 at 8:39 pm

Oh Alyssa, this made my day. I don’t really have anything to help yours but here’s a story. Today I was making myself a soft pretzel in the toaster oven and then reached in to see if it was cooked. I was surprised when I burnt my flesh off of my body and my coworker said, “if it can cook your food, it can cook your flesh”. Hmmm, good point ๐Ÿ™‚
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25 Heather @ Run Eat Play January 30, 2012 at 10:04 pm

When you sing twinkle twinkle and the abcs over and over and over to a toddler who refuses to sleep, you start to realize that they sound exactly the same…as does every song.

This were great – so funny!
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26 Lindsey @ Happy or Hungry January 31, 2012 at 12:12 am

haha, testicles.
WHY does Tarzan not have a beard? That is an excellent question. He should totally be a beardo.
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27 Ashlyn January 31, 2012 at 3:48 am

hahahaha this gave me a good laugh. My favorite is definitely why people don’t point to their butt when asking where the bathroom is. I kinda want to try it out.
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28 kristen @ livinlifeinlouie February 3, 2012 at 4:40 am

love these! haha. defiantly needed a laugh after today


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