Like Walking A Drunk Girlfriend to The Bar

October 6, 2011 · 45 comments

…that’s how my run with Chloe was yesterday with her brand new $20 harness.

You see, I was thinking the harness was a good idea. Lots of other dog owners use these babies to run with their dogs, so wouldn’t it be perfect for Chloe, too?

Wrong. The first trick is getting the harness on her body and out of her mouth. Joke.

Like, dalmatian jigsaw puzzle joke.

Just like when your girlfriend asks you to dress her from your closet but doesn’t like anything you put on her.

So, I mosey on out the door all excited for the possibilities of rainbows and harnessed puppy running. I give Chloe her running command, and we set off.

One problem. Yeah, she’s running… but… vertically.

It was like your drunk college girlfriend before everybody starts drinking. She’s hopping around the dance floor to Destiny’s Child and loving life.

Fast-forward to every time we passed someone on the sidewalk. Then, we became Miss America.

A.K.A. the drunk girl who thinks everyone is her best friend and wants to give her hugs and kisses.

That’s mah girl.

Know what else doesn’t make for the best run? Potty stops.

Constant ones. They don’t end. Ever.

Just like that boozehound friend who just can’t seen to keep the bladder in check.

And then you get to the sad, sleepy, tired stage in which you just have to drag homegirl along.

The inevitable end.

And then you get home, there’s a second wind, and all she can think about is food.

Preferably, grease and carbs.

Just like the day after monitoring that boozalicious girlfriend, I’m saying “never again.”

But you know it’ll happen again. ‘Cause I love my crazy boozehound.

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{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Tinkerbelle (@Lillyheart999) October 6, 2011 at 2:54 pm

brilliant 🙂 !!
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2 Caitlin October 6, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Bahah this post made me smile because of the completely relate-able drunken evening pics. Are those all yours? The girl face-planting in the take out container is my fave.
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3 Samantha @ Health, Happiness & Skinny Jeans October 6, 2011 at 2:58 pm

Love this!! Dogs + drunk photos= hilarious!
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4 Holly October 6, 2011 at 2:59 pm

She ran verticially?!?! Hahahaha! My golden retriver HATED harnesses too. SHe would do the same thing- just chew & chew & chew on it..rather than actually wear it. Gotta love it! At least Chloe has a pretty purple one 😉
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5 Emmarie @ Bananas and Beer October 6, 2011 at 3:02 pm

This is perfect. Although I’m as familiar with the whole running with puppy thing as I am with the drunk friends thing. Perfect regardless.
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6 Sam@Sam Bock Illustration & Design October 6, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Hahaha this is amazing. Pretty sure Chloe and Koda are soulmates and would be hyperactive BFFs.
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7 Sylvia @ Frolic Through Life October 6, 2011 at 3:04 pm

That was hilarious! How does a dog run vertically?

Remind me to never get drunk around you!
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8 katie October 6, 2011 at 3:04 pm

So funny! Your captions like I said before, kill me!
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9 Lindsey @ Happy or Hungry October 6, 2011 at 3:33 pm

This was brilliant. I think almost every life lesson can be compared to a drunken bar time.
Fave pic was definitely back seat, windows up, that’s the way I like to…sleep with my head in Styrofoam container.
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10 Colleen @ The Lunchbox Diaries October 6, 2011 at 3:51 pm

Hilarious! Cory took Cam for a run the other day and made it a mile. It’s hard to run AND pee on every.single.tree that you pass. Tough life.
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11 Angela @ MyPinkyToes October 6, 2011 at 6:01 pm

H.I.L.A.R.I.O.U.S. The end.
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12 Ros October 6, 2011 at 6:05 pm

This! I swear you’re talking about me and my dog (who kind of looks like a miniature version of yours!). Potty breaks, stopping to sniff the best smell in the world every five minutes, and thinking every person on the trail wants to play. I say never again every time too.


13 Chelcie @ Chelcie's Food Files October 6, 2011 at 6:29 pm

This is hilarious! I love taking my dogs to the park to run when I’m home, but I’ve tried running with them on a leash..ya didn’t work out so well haah
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14 Bobbi October 6, 2011 at 6:35 pm

Hi Alyssa! I just found your website and have to say, I am already loving it! Can’t wait to learn more about you 🙂 And Chloe is *SO* cute!


15 Juliette @ Finish Your Broccoli October 6, 2011 at 6:41 pm

omg… literally dying laughing at this post!
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16 Meri October 6, 2011 at 7:45 pm

What a clever little photo story, I’m loving it and cracking up and wishing I had a furry friend right about now!


17 Brittany October 6, 2011 at 8:18 pm

Hahhaa this is all so true! Hilarious.


18 Kailey (SnackFace) October 6, 2011 at 8:20 pm

Thanks for perfectly describing me in college. I appreciate it.
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19 Daner October 6, 2011 at 8:42 pm

Your welcome for letting you use all those drunkie pics. I hope I dont become known as A’s drunk-a-roo friend in the bloggity blog. After thinking about it…. in this blog I am being compaired to a dog. As much as I LOLed in my office, I am def. not taking that as a compliment.

:* see you in two weeeks!!!!! (More pics to come then blog readers)


20 Daner October 6, 2011 at 8:43 pm


spell check nazi.


21 Lisa October 6, 2011 at 9:46 pm

That was too hilarious. I want to know how you got the drunk photos! LOL
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22 Jenn L @ Peas and Crayons October 6, 2011 at 11:00 pm

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Literally every caption was funnier than the next =) and i’ve been there… so many times before! lol <3 come visit meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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23 Julie @ Peanut Butter Fingers October 6, 2011 at 11:15 pm

okay, i have a solution (maybe). you need an easy walk harness. it’s TOTALLY different from any other harness b/c it clips from the front. it was a LIFE saver on my walks and runs with sadie. HIGHLY recommended for the crazy dogs of the world.
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24 Faith @ For the Health of It October 7, 2011 at 12:20 am

HAHA these captions were priceless! For what it’s worth, my dog hates running with me too. She stops every couple of seconds to chase invisible squirrels, pee out one drop of pee and look around at every.single.leaf. like it’s an attacker!
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25 Gina @ Running to the Kitchen October 7, 2011 at 1:37 am

I have to agree with Julie above, easy walk is where it’s at! I was convinced nothing would work for our insane in the membrane 65lb. weimaraner but that thing is magical. It was like $20 at Petsmart. worth a shot! Although, the drunken girlfriend act is pretty funny too 😉
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26 Emily @ Perfection Isn't Happy October 7, 2011 at 3:09 am

Hahaha..too funny 🙂
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27 Allison @ PickyEatingRD October 7, 2011 at 3:56 am

Oh yep I know all about the best friends on sidewalks thing. My friends and I used to make many “friends” on our walks home!
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28 Jen@FoodFamilyFitness October 7, 2011 at 11:04 am

LOL!!! Love it! I was that drunk girl on one too many nights!
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29 lizzie October 7, 2011 at 12:22 pm

haahahhaha i love this! looks like you are having a ton of fun!!
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30 alyssa - fashion fitness foodie October 7, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Seriously spit out my breakfast when i saw the evacuate the dance floor picture!
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31 Zandi October 7, 2011 at 2:24 pm

hahahah I LOVE THIS ALY!


32 Hollie @lolzthatswim(andrun) October 8, 2011 at 12:24 am

BAHAHAHA that is hilarious. I nearly just peed my pants laughing so hard.
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33 Julie October 9, 2011 at 4:09 pm

HAHA! This post is hilarious, I have been reading your blog for a couple weeks now and you have a gift for crafting what can only be described as “LOL” posts. I will definately be showing my girlfriends this…I’m in college so we can definately relate to a majoriy (umm…100%) of those pictures.


34 Whitney October 10, 2011 at 11:27 am

I love this post. So funny. She is precious!


35 Dorsa October 10, 2011 at 2:12 pm

haha too funny, running with doggies is too hard. I gave that up a while ago haha.
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36 Angel Collins January 12, 2012 at 7:41 am

Haha! This post is so funny. I remember my friend who used to drink so hard tahe she can’t barely walk. Nice post!
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