…that’s how my run with Chloe was yesterday with her brand new $20 harness.
You see, I was thinking the harness was a good idea. Lots of other dog owners use these babies to run with their dogs, so wouldn’t it be perfect for Chloe, too?
Wrong. The first trick is getting the harness on her body and out of her mouth. Joke.
Like, dalmatian jigsaw puzzle joke.
Just like when your girlfriend asks you to dress her from your closet but doesn’t like anything you put on her.
So, I mosey on out the door all excited for the possibilities of rainbows and harnessed puppy running. I give Chloe her running command, and we set off.
One problem. Yeah, she’s running… but… vertically.
It was like your drunk college girlfriend before everybody starts drinking. She’s hopping around the dance floor to Destiny’s Child and loving life.
Fast-forward to every time we passed someone on the sidewalk. Then, we became Miss America.
A.K.A. the drunk girl who thinks everyone is her best friend and wants to give her hugs and kisses.
Know what else doesn’t make for the best run? Potty stops.
Just like that boozehound friend who just can’t seen to keep the bladder in check.
And then you get to the sad, sleepy, tired stage in which you just have to drag homegirl along.
And then you get home, there’s a second wind, and all she can think about is food.
Just like the day after monitoring that boozalicious girlfriend, I’m saying “never again.”
But you know it’ll happen again. ‘Cause I love my crazy