Now You Know.

August 11, 2011 · 126 comments

My blog hasn’t been a place where I divulge all details of my life.

I admit it; I’ve held back. Not just for me, but to protect others, as well.

But when it comes to the point where I feel like I’m holding back from what I love to do (in this case, writing), I feel like it’s time for a change.

I started my blog partly because I love to write, and this is a topic I have avoided. After talking it through with Megan the other day, I realized I’ve been holding back something I didn’t want to keep quiet anymore.

I’ve learned so much from other blogs. And Megan pointed out to me that other girls can benefit from reading from my experience, too.

It’s time. I’m letting out my breath, so you can, too. I used to worry that he still reads this (he doesn’t). I used to care what his friends would have say about my blogging about it (I don’t).

This blog is mine. I do what I want. Right?

This isn’t to spite anybody. It’s to pass on what I’ve learned from such an important life experience.

I’m over it now; it’s a done deal. And maybe other girls can learn from what I went through. Cause I totally did.

I have alluded to a breakup in past posts. But I haven’t given you many details. You may remember old pictures in posts like these or been confused by ones like these and have wondered what happened.

We dated for two years. It seemed “meant to be.” I moved to Virginia Beach to be with him. I was completely sure he’d be the only man I loved for the rest of my life.

Guess what? Goals change. Priorities change. People change. Plans shatter.
I don’t put all the blame on him for our relationship crumbling. I know I wasn’t (and am not) perfect. I learned a lot about my mistakes after the fact. But I’d be lying if I said it’s not still hard to grasp the fact that after two years together, I was notified via text message he wanted to move.

He chose a better career and a different life over being with me.

After the anger wore off, I fought for what I believed in. I had so much hope. I told him I’d give up everything for him. I’d follow him back to NC. I strived to be everything he wanted and more.

It wasn’t good enough.

After he moved, after we planned to try to work on things, after two years of dating, I got an e-mail he no longer wanted to be with me. He didn’t pick up the phone when I called. He made it very clear with some choice words he had moved on.

On the outside, it’s laughable. Now that I’ve moved on, I can laugh. But before I was able to laugh, all I could do was cry. For a stupid long time.

Sounds pretty trite, right? Boy meets girl. It’s perfect for a long time. She’s ready for the ring he’d always talked about. He decides he wants something else.

Girl hides it from her blog because she’s too worried about what other people think about her writing about it.

And I’ll admit it – I hoped for a while he’d get it all out of his system and come running back to me saying he’d made a terrible mistake. That never happened, and thank God it didn’t, because the person I once knew is no longer around.

The ridiculous digs can only go so far before you realize it couldn’t have been you.

Honestly? I’ve learned a lot through this broken relationship. I also now realize those who think/say the negative things to you/about you aren’t the kind of people you should be hanging around.

Speaking of the people I should be sticking around, it’s pretty obvious why God gave me that relationship. Look at all the beautiful friends I gained from it. ๐Ÿ™‚

So now you know. The nutshell version, at least.

So, I hope there are girls who will read this who may be able to relate to the heartbreak and realize what took me a long time to figure out.

If he treats you that poorly, you’re better off. And although it hurts more than anything has hurt before, God’s got something better planned for you.

Trust me. ๐Ÿ™‚

The hurt wears off.
Be the bigger person.
You find much better.

It took me a while, but I’m good now.

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{ 94 comments… read them below or add one }

1 caitlin August 11, 2011 at 2:27 pm

Great Great post ๐Ÿ™‚ Don’t you feel better after reading that? I just went through a very similar experience and although it still really stinks, each day is better than the last. Just gotta keep going, something great will come along in time!
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2 Jamie August 11, 2011 at 2:28 pm

YESSSSSSSS YES YES YES. I love you TONS. Last night I was joking Danny about how he said his last girlfriend would avoid any issue by saying ” I don’t want to talk about it” and how bad mentioned that bugged him.. and now he has a girlfriend who need to discuss, work out and calmly rationalize an issue for about an hour…then he joked me for having a boyfriend who wouldn’t hug me… and he is.. the VERY opposite..bahaha. There are SO many other men out there, and I’m not saying you need to go find one of them (although taking survivor might lead you in the right direction..BAHAHAHHA jk) but that when you find one that is not necessarily better but better for YOU you won’t have to go through a harsh text or a dumb EMAIL! I really feel that relationships like the one you describe exist solely to teach lessons so when you find someone you like WAY more (and you will) you’ll be wiser and happier. MWAH big hugs
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3 Maria@La_Piattini August 11, 2011 at 2:32 pm

I give you a lot of credit for being able to open up about your past relationship. It is really hard to see it now, but what happened may turn out to be a gift. I had a eerily similar situation in which I dated a guy for two years. I moved away from my family and friends to be with him. He would tell me one day he wanted to marry me and the next day it would be a different story. It was very emotionally abusive. I thought I could never handle a break up, but with the support of my family I moved out and it was the best thing I ever did. A few months later I met my current fiance and it was all a life lesson. Things will work out for you and everything happens for a reason.

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4 Dorsa @ Mixed Tape August 11, 2011 at 2:40 pm

And now you are a stronger person for going through it. A friend of mine is going through that right now, but she had been with her bf for 10 years, and they had bought a house together…. It’s messy, but I believe if people are meant to be together eventually they will find their way back to each other.
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5 My Blonde Moments August 11, 2011 at 2:41 pm

I’m sorry that your relationship had to end that way, but it sounds like you are a better and stronger person because of it! I think it’s great that you posted this and got it all out there. I know for me, writing things down, posting them, and then re-reading them is sometimes the best outlet! It’s your life, you have every right to get this out in the open. Congrats to you for staying strong and being such a successful woman ๐Ÿ™‚ You’ll have much better things in your future!!

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6 Diana August 11, 2011 at 2:50 pm

well he is an idiot and you are awesome, and stronger & wiser for having gone through this heartache! I strongly believe that God gives us the lemons so we know to appreciate the lemonade – now that you know what it’s like to be in a negative relationship, you’re more prepared to steer clear of them in the future and find the person you’re supposed to be with! Kudos for so bravely sharing your story!
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7 Liz @ Something To Chew On August 11, 2011 at 2:53 pm

AWESOME POST! Thank you so much for writing it. I went through a really, really, really awful breakup with someone I was SURE was the one I was supposed to be with forever. Broke my heart in a bazillion pieces. It was similar to your situation…and it’s something that huuuurts. So. Much. I’m slowly starting to heal, and learning to laugh like you. Thank you for sharing…maybe someday I will write about mine too. I’ve thought about it, but you’ve definitely given me a little boost that’s got me closer to actually doing it. Thanks Alyssa! You’re a brave chick!
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8 Lauren August 11, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Oh, yes. THE heartbreak. Mine happened five years ago while I was studying abroad in Australia and hurt like hell as well. I remember crying for 29 (pathetic) days in a row. He didn’t do the break-up nicely, either. I’m pretty sure he was just too cowardly to really face the whole thing – and me.

He’s now married and we’re now friends. The sting from the breakup is gone as are any bit of feelings for him. The only thing that lingers is the inability to trust my judgement and the feelings of KNOWING who is “The One” since I was wrong the first time. I’m hoping that goes away sooner rather than later.

I have to say, years later, I’m a bit proud of my devastating breakup – or at least the experiences that stemmed from it. It has given me perspective and strength and compassion that I didn’t have before. Every time I see someone crying in some random place, I think back to my days of crying in random places throughout Australia and send up a little prayer for that person.

Onward and upward, girl!!! Great post!

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9 Angie August 11, 2011 at 3:21 pm

I’m with Lauren, onward and upward! You deserve SO much better than an impersonal text and email to break up. That just shows how classless he is and doesn’t even have the balls to speak the truth to you face to face. What a big ol baby!

Everything happens for a reason and you are in store for something much bigger, better and greater! ๐Ÿ™‚
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10 Jess @ Stylish Stealthy and Healthy August 11, 2011 at 3:27 pm

Very proud of you for opening up ๐Ÿ™‚ Great post and I’m sure so many girls can relate.
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11 Brittany (healthy slice of life) August 11, 2011 at 3:29 pm

You’re awesome for opening up and being real! Now you’re ready for a real man to come along, instead of that silly boy who thinks texts and emails are appropriate forms of communication for a girlfriend of two years. He is ridiculous. Glad you’re so much better off now!! ๐Ÿ™‚

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12 Molly Antos August 11, 2011 at 3:38 pm

What a wonderful post. I think there is a certain stigma about showing the negative parts of life on a blog – you want to be inspirational and upbeat! But I have to say, I think this is VERY inspirational – I went through a similar situation (and have friends that ARE going through similar situations) and I feel it’s so helpful to see that you’re not alone and that better days are ahead even when you’re positive that they aren’t. Thank you!

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13 Crystal August 11, 2011 at 3:39 pm

I have been through something similar, and it was the same in the aspect of all I could do was cry then but now it’s laughable, if not still a bit ridiculous when I think about it. I had no intentions of being with anyone after him, but here I am now, in the longest relationship I have ever been in and I couldn’t be happier. ๐Ÿ™‚ You are right, you are so much better off now!

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14 Jill is Active August 11, 2011 at 3:47 pm

Love this post and love you. Good for you for being strong enough to get over it and realize all the amazing things in your life and the reason for the break up. Every girl has their story… mine is just starting. I think it’s one of the scariest feelings when you figure out the one you thought was THE one, isn’t. Let the learning begin.
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15 Paula @ Eat: Watch: Run August 11, 2011 at 3:59 pm

I’ve had relationships like that. One in particular was the worst ever and people actually questioned why I was with him. You think I would have taken that as a sign! Although break ups suck, you definitely learn from them and you know the qualities you won’t put up with in the next guy. And I’m telling you, THAT is what makes you recognize the right one. ๐Ÿ™‚
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16 Claire @ Live and Love to Eat August 11, 2011 at 4:21 pm

I went through a very similar breakup… once I realized I’d never be his first priority (he told me in no uncertain terms that work would ALWAYS be #1), I figured out it wasn’t worth making him mine. A few months later, I met my fiance’ and felt like I got knocked over the head – it was a major ah-hah moment, and every girl gets those sometimes!
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17 Meg August 11, 2011 at 4:23 pm

You already know how I feel about all of this and I am SO happy you’ve posted this – not just because other girls can benefit BUT so can you and I know it feels so good getting it all out.

I love you!
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18 Sam August 11, 2011 at 4:26 pm

I am so happy that you feel like you are good now. You definitely deserve someone who treats you like a star!!! Because your a rock star. srsly. Someone who can’t even give you the respect to break up in person is definitely not worth your time!! So glad you felt willing to share this with us ๐Ÿ™‚
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19 Lindsay@ In Sweetness and In Health August 11, 2011 at 4:26 pm

Wonderful post, love! I’m so sorry that you went through all of that…and seriously, what a d-bag! Who the eff thinks it’s okay to break up by text and email…especially after dating for that long. You are FABULOUS and absolutely GORGEOUS. You deserve someone that treats you amazing! I love you! And thank you so much for opening up and sharing your story. I’m so glad that you are good now!
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20 theAlmostRunner August 11, 2011 at 4:30 pm

SO TRUE. thank you for sharing! a “version” of this happened to me as well, and it was horrible at the time. now i’m married, and he just got married 2 weeks ago. SO GLAD i am in a different place. thank you for pouring our your heart!

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21 Klopp August 11, 2011 at 4:56 pm

I know this was prob hard but Im proud of mah girl! I love you. You know the rest.

<3 Klopp

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on — Robert Frost

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22 Tara @ texasrunnergirl.com August 11, 2011 at 5:04 pm

I know this had to be super hard to post. Good for you for pushing past this. Really crappy that dude could never confront you with any of his decisions… real classy.

Eerily similiar that I moved to Virginia Beach for a guy too.. my story turned out a little different though, we are celebrating our 10th anniversary today. (man I feel old now.)
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23 Sarah OUaL August 11, 2011 at 5:16 pm

Dang I bet it felt good to get all this out. So happy for you that you’ve found where you need to be right now – it was nice to read and see where you’re coming from. ๐Ÿ™‚ Have a super fantastic awesome day, beautiful!
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24 Heather @ girlyeverafter August 11, 2011 at 5:18 pm

It’s always hard going through a breakup, but you always see the real person after a breakup. I thought my life was over after a breakup once and then I realized it was the best thing because I grew from it and became confident and respected myself more. Then I met my hubby, so it all works out;)

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25 Emma (Sweet Tooth Runner) August 11, 2011 at 5:23 pm

THAT GUY IS SUCH A JERK!! I know I’ve said that every time, but it’s so so true!! You are so strong and awesome for posting this, and God has put someone a thousand times better than him out there for you!! You ROCK <3
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26 Lindsey @ Happy or Hungry August 11, 2011 at 5:26 pm

Awwww Aly… I didn’t know what had happened, and I wanted to ask! I always wonder how people deal with a big life change like this on their blog. Like if you rave on and on and on about your lover and then they’re suddenly not around. I keep personal details out for this reason.

I loved this post, I really felt for you! It must have been challenging to write, or maybe just start to write, ’cause I bet once you started the rest flowed out pretty easily.

Well, good for you, you are much better off…and deserve SO MUCH MORE than a text or an email! Ridic. You know it wasn’t meant to be, and I’m glad you are a stronger person because of it ๐Ÿ™‚
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27 Kelly @ Laughter, Strength, and Food August 11, 2011 at 5:58 pm

I am in love with this. I have a major (MA-JOR) relationship that I haven’t talked about on my blog yet, but I am planning too soon. I think I am scared because I don’t want to dredge up the past memories or talk about it, but I also know that it will be a positive experience because of all the support I receive from my blogging friends! Posts like this definitely make me think that I am going to be able to share it!

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28 Claire @ let's go on a living spree August 11, 2011 at 6:05 pm

I know myself and so many of my friends can totally relate to this!

Not to sound creepy, but you should seriously come to Charlottesville sometime so we can hang out! We have so much in common ๐Ÿ™‚
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29 Sam@SamBockIllustration&Design August 11, 2011 at 6:07 pm

Oh man. I went through a very similar situation (my stuff is still in storage out in AZ and I live back near Philly now). It felt like the end of the world, like I couldn’t function for months and didn’t understand WHY this was happening to me, but about a year after the horrendous breakup, I met the most amazing guy in the world and we’ve been inseparable ever since…I had NO idea how good I could have it.

I wanted to punch everyone in the nose that told me that “time will heal all!” and “you will find someone SO worth your time!”….but when I stopped actually looking for it, it happened out of NO where.

Great post, a year and a half ago I thought there was no way anyone else in the world had gone through what I had gone through, and felt the hurt that I felt…but I have learned that we’re all in good company, and you just “do you” and good thangs really do happen!
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30 Lindsey August 11, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Thanks for sharing your story! I think everyone can relate to heartbreak, and it’s never easy. It’s good to hear that you’re good now.

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31 Katie August 11, 2011 at 6:21 pm

Wow… I can’t thank you enough for this post. I was in the same type of situation & this summer it completely ended. This is exactly what I needed to read ๐Ÿ™‚

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32 Hayley @ Oat Couture August 11, 2011 at 6:25 pm

Well done for having the courage to get it all out there. I know it can be scary letting the bad stuff out as well as the good but we all go through this kind of crap, and sometimes it breaks us down for a long while. Were only human, these things happen and it’s nothing to be ashamed of! The fact is that you have got over him! Yayyy! (He seems like an absolute loser anyway!!) and you are the bigger better person! Well done for being so strong! ๐Ÿ™‚
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33 anonymous August 11, 2011 at 6:34 pm

So you bash your X via blog. He cannot defend himsel. He cannot tell his side of the story. And somehow you are the strong one? That is the most backwards, twisted idea I have ever seen. My guess is that there are two sides of every story. . . It wouldn’t create a good “blog” to post his side, would it?

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34 Brittany August 11, 2011 at 6:53 pm

This took a lot of courage to post on your blog, but I think its amazing that you did! I’m sorry that it ended that way, but just remember things and people are put into your life to teach you and help you grow. You’re a strong girl and better things are coming your way, just wait!

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35 Amy August 11, 2011 at 7:25 pm

My relationship just ended two weeks and I’ve thought about blogging about it, but I’m just not ready yet. I think it takes time to get where you are and be able to look back, reflect and actually learn from it. Thanks for sharing your story! I hope in time I’ll be able to do the same (maybe when I stop crying every day). You’re awesome and I’m sure your life is better off without a guy who breaks up with you via text and email!
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36 Maggie O'Neil August 11, 2011 at 7:25 pm

I think anyone who leaves an ANONYMOUS comment is as much of a coward as the person who breaks up with their girlfriend via TEXT and EMAIL. I never thought my ex boyfriend was half the person James was, but he had enough BALLS to break up with me to my face.

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37 angie @ ohblessherheart.wordpress.com August 11, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Talking about your relationship ending does not equal bashing. Is any of what you say innaccurate? No? Then tell your anonymous commenter to kiss off. ; )
Also, if I had ever seen the two of you together, I woulda’ thought you were kind of out of his league anyway.
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38 Katelyn @ Chef Katelyn August 11, 2011 at 8:04 pm

You know how much this makes me cringe. It makes my heart so happy to hear you FINALLY put it out there, because now you can embrace the change and move on. You deserve better, and this is proof of it. Mwah.

I love you girliepants <3
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39 Jenny (Fit Girl Foodie) August 11, 2011 at 8:14 pm

This is such a strong post from an equally strong woman. I’ve gone through heartache and pain and I’ve found my happy place with my current bf but I’m aware that it could shatter at any given moment and I need to put myself together and move on. Life happens and you need to adjust ๐Ÿ™‚
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40 Ali @ Ali Runs August 11, 2011 at 8:14 pm

Girl, you are GORGEOUS! You have the most beautiful smile and awesome personality. It is hard to put yourself out there like this sometimes but I’m sure it must feel amazing to get it all of your chest. Not everyone is going to be happy, but it seems like you posted this for you, not to “bash” your ex. Loved your honesty! ๐Ÿ™‚
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41 Rach August 11, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Oh sweet girl, you are so brave. Kudos to you for opening up about this here. I’m not going to lie, I think I would’ve had quite a bit more anger if it were me writing this post – I love how no bitterness comes across in your words. Just the story of what happened and the positives that have come out of the heart break. You’re such a special lady and I’m glad the blog world has brought us together. ๐Ÿ™‚
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42 Cristin August 11, 2011 at 8:57 pm

I too am sorry you had to go through such a crappy break up. They suck big time! This is YOUR blog. YOU can put whatever YOU want on it. Funny how the person that left a negative comment was anonymous. If your ex had been man enough to first of all, speak to you directly when breaking up, secondly, God forbid actually give you real reasons why he wanted to end things, maybe then he would get to not be included in the blog. Guys can be such cowards. You are totally right, you are better off & have way better things in your future. You rock! Thanks for posting!

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43 Alexa @ Simple Eats August 11, 2011 at 9:00 pm

I completely know how you feel. It hurts, you want to cry every second. The part that’s the hardest is you convince yourself it was you all along…but it wasn’t! I’m so happy for you that you’ve grown from the relationship and that you learned so much from it. ๐Ÿ™‚
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44 Matt Fairweather August 11, 2011 at 9:06 pm

“On the outside this is laughable.” Laughable that this could have been a “no homo” cute blog. It’s not that you have obviously expressed a one-sided argument, it’s that you had to use pictures and allow your friends to maliciously slander his name through their posts. Wasn’t this intended to help others? But before you come to the conclusion that it’s all his fault, since your only flaw is that “your not perfect”. Realize that you are also a coward! Oh, and for all your friends, my name is Matt Fairweather.

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45 Kat August 11, 2011 at 9:32 pm

Way to open up about this and share it girl ๐Ÿ™‚
I went through a serious UGLY relationship and breakup. Ill spare you the details, but I pretty much thought he was the one, he went to Texas to go to school but we were still together, he came back to visit, went back out to school, and got engaged to another girl. And he didnt even bother telling me, I heard it from a mutual friend.
BUT your so right, God has much bigger plans. Now Im married to an incredible man, who I wouldnt trade for the world.
Take that jerky ex boyfriend.
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46 katie August 11, 2011 at 9:33 pm

Love ya girl!

I know how it feels t have heart ache, the guy I dated for 5 years, which was my serious relationship 3 years before mike, well I had to find out we were done, by hearing he was cheating behind my back and the girl got pregnant, talk about a stab! He was stringing me along though, just in case things didn’t work out for him, never knew he was cheating

I feel in my past relationships I took something from each and learned from each one, and I am happy to say, there are good guys out there, sometimes you have to go through the bad to get to the good! Plus it makes you stronger and you also learn what you do want in a relationship and what you don’t ; )

love you! thanks for sharing this!
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47 katie August 11, 2011 at 9:39 pm

Wow, I love this. you can tell that the Lord has made you SO much stronger through it all and this is for the best- sometimes He takes something so special to us away so we can see the bigger picture more clearly. YOU are on an adventure right now and He has SO much in store for you!!!!! seriously. you are right where He wants you. My bf and I of 3 years broke things off in Feb, and he already has a new GF. it was hard for me at first but then God kind of just keeps reminding me that HE has something SO MUCH better in store, i just have to be patient and keep seeking Him until His perfect timing occurs! love you girl and thank you for sharing this!

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48 Megan @ Runners New Groove August 11, 2011 at 9:42 pm

LOVE THIS! I don’t know what happened, but strength out of heartache is always worth it. This couldn’t have come at a better time for myself actually. I just broke up with a boyfriend and getting through the rough and bitter times are the worst! But as you said, God has a plan for everyone.

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49 Cait August 11, 2011 at 9:42 pm

omg girl i so relate- obviously as every girl on here as commented! I remember seeing your tweet and freaking out like what an IDIOT would break up with via email? DUMB!? Obviously, you are way better than that. We all know it takes time to heal and believe me, I more than anyone realize what its like to be in the wrong relationship at the wrong time (but always hope for the best). Why are we so optimistic? We want the fairy tale, obviously but realizing that reality is so different than how Disney wants us to think. The best part is we have friends (in person or via the web) to help us through and always have a shoulder to cry on. Aka, I’m always here (among the 2389723 girls telling you the same). xoxoox

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50 Kristine @ Running On Hungry August 11, 2011 at 10:14 pm

This took so much courage to write and you are inspiring! You deserve so much better! ๐Ÿ™‚
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51 Brittany @ LessBritt MoreLife August 11, 2011 at 10:38 pm

Sweet girl! You are so beautiful and strong! Thank you for being honest, open, and sharing with us ๐Ÿ™‚ Maybe i’ll step up to the blogging plate, and write about some things personal soon! love you!
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52 Jamie August 11, 2011 at 10:49 pm

Just checkin’ back in. I LOVE YOU. And I can’t believe we missed justin timberlake. Can we camp out at the gym for the next month…
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53 Jamie @ snacktress August 11, 2011 at 11:44 pm

It must have taken a lot to write this post, so thank you for that.

It’s really amazing how time changes everything. The things that seemed like the end of the world can now be looked at as amazing life lessons. They needed to happen in order for you to be where you are now. You are so strong and radiant, and someone fantastic will come along!

And a text message? Seriously?!
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54 Hollie @lolzthatswim(andrun) August 12, 2011 at 12:48 am

Wow Alyssa this is really inspirational. I just went through a big breakup recently too for about the same time and I can only feel your pain. I’m so glad you are in a better place to laugh and joke about it now because you deserve a great man that is going to be awesome for you.
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55 theAlmostRunner August 12, 2011 at 12:49 am

these posts are RIDICULOUS. why do people feel the need to get mad at you about what you write on YOUR blog?!

nooooooooooooowords for this.
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56 chelsey @ clean eating chelsey August 12, 2011 at 12:51 am

Such a raw and real post Alyssa! I think that a lot of girls go through the same thing, and as women we are (generally) insecure when it comes to break ups, especially if the man is doing the breaking up. Thank you for sharing your story and how you got through it!
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57 Tara @ Dashing in Pearls August 12, 2011 at 1:07 am

This was an amazing post… and I just found your blog today!! I’ve been through tough heartbreak before but I’m currently in a happy and loving relationship. One of my biggest fears is that one day he’s just going to decide that he doesn’t want me anymore. It’s something he’s never given me reason to believe but comes from past relationships. Thank you for posting the ending part… about the hurt wearing off. It’s oddly comforting for me to think that IF something were to happen (I don’t think it will), then I WILL be okay!

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58 Alex August 12, 2011 at 1:14 am

Alyssa, I just wanted to say that you deserve WAY better. You’re an incredible person, beautiful inside and out, and one day you’re going to find someone that treats you so so so well(!) I also went through a horrible breakup (during law school – it sucked) and your past definitely resonated with mine. Thank you for doing this post, we are totes better off and we will mos def find someone better! Truer words have not been spoken.

Thank you again, and I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

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59 Lauren August 12, 2011 at 1:26 am

Personally, I think you did an awesome job talking about this without bashing your ex..I certainly didn’t come to the end of this post hating men or with my overwhelming thought being WHAT A JERK HE WAS, but instead how fab you are for learning so much from this and becoming an even better person from it. ๐Ÿ™‚ I rarely comment on your blog but I read it every day and you seem like a cool, fun person and I KNOW you’ll find an awesome guy ๐Ÿ™‚ God’s timing is always perfect!!

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60 Kathryn August 12, 2011 at 1:47 am

It’s pretty sh*tty to be broken up via email. Clearly he doesn’t have the balls to talk to you about it. Lean on your friends and focus on yourself and what YOU want.

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61 Molly L August 12, 2011 at 2:23 am

Alyssa– I found your blog a couple weeks ago and totally love it (although this is the first time I’ve commented eeeeek). Anyways, thank you so much for this post! How honest and uplifting… I, too, am going through a break-up with the person I thought for sure I’d get married to… we had been together for almost four years. The break up happened back in March, and I, like you, thought he may come back, but alas that isn’t happening. And now I’ve finallllllly realized that I am much better off. Keep on being amazing… you are an inspiration!!!

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62 Karla August 12, 2011 at 2:40 am

You rock my world girrrl! Way to open up here about it… I always think it helps to write about hardships. While the rocky end of relationships is always hurtful for someone, you have siphoned out all the positives from it and look how strong and beautiful of a woman you are!! We love you ๐Ÿ™‚
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63 Jena August 12, 2011 at 2:45 am

Great post. It’s your story, and you are definitely allowed/entitled to write about it, regardless of what anyone says or thinks. You definitely told your story with class, and without bashing him…which must have been hard considering he broke up w/ you via email.. good grief.

I wrote about our break up story a few months ago. Ours had a different ending, but it was heartbreaking just the same. http://www.lifeisbeachykeen.com/2011/03/30/did-you-know-breaking-up-is-hard-to-do/
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64 Sara August 12, 2011 at 2:48 am

Wow this reminds me a lot of me! I dated a guy for 2 years. I thought I could love this guy forever. He was 2 years older than me. I almost gave up a College soccer scholarship to stay in state an be w him. All of a sudden my religion became a problem when it wasn’t before. He said I needed to give up some moral things in order to be w him. I actually thought about it. It was like he changed so much is such a short amount of time. He was already moved on. It took me a long time to get over him. I became a person who couldn’t/wouldnt commit. I was the queen of flings. It took me 4 years to finally commit. I learned so much from that relationship I just knew I wasn’t going to commit to just anyone. Once I finally did I fell in love… For real this time. This guy is now my husband who I fall in love with every day.
Ha idk know why I told you all this when you don’t even know me but I’ve been following your blog for a while now and I just felt like I should share that. The whole giving up some stuff just to keep ahold of him ive never really said out loud to anyone before. So I know exactly where you are coming from!!

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65 Wendi August 12, 2011 at 3:42 am

Hang in there sweety! I am so proud of you for sharing this with us and for being so strong through this heart break. I am sure that by you just sharing this, you have helped a lot of people out there going through similar situations. These things are never easy but I believe that God never closes one door without opening another for us. You will find an even better guy out there, I am sure of it! Stay strong hun.
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66 Sloan August 12, 2011 at 4:07 am

This is SUCH an inspiring post! Thank you so much for sharing some details from your life and how you’ve grown from such an awful breakup. What a jerkkk for breaking up via email, but how mature and thoughtful of you to reflect back honestly on things you now see as mistakes. No what ifs, though!! Like you said God is 100% in control on our lives and he totally has a plan for you (and all of us) – Jer 29:11 ๐Ÿ™‚

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67 Reality Check August 12, 2011 at 4:17 am

you are all pathetic….

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68 Emily @ Living & Learning August 12, 2011 at 12:39 pm

There is so MUCH truth to that, that as I read your post, I couldn’t read fast enough. It’s a lesson we all struggle to learn ,to appreciate & to practice & I admire you for being able to lay it all out in such plain and honest terms – I’ve never been good at putting feelings into words & you did it so gracefully.

All I can say is thank you so much for sharing, I already follow your blog & have you on my blog roll but I’m bookmarking this post – because sometimes we all, especially me, need a little reminder – to let go of what we’ve been holding on to when it’s no longer pulling us back … life goes on.
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69 Seth Morse August 12, 2011 at 2:34 pm

I really didn’t want to say anything when I heard about this post. I didn’t want you to think that I care about you (I don’t). But then I realized that I’m holding back from defending someone I love (Jimmy Law Guy). I can’t just sit here and be “mature” about it anymore, and let all your friends bash him. Forgive me if my grammar and sentence structure are off, but this is the truest case of unintentional comedy I’ve ever seen.

First, let me start off by saying to all the people who don’t know this man and have decided to insult him, he is one person I have always been able to count on no matter what. He would do anything for me if I asked him to. A few years ago I went through a horrible break up. I dated a girl for four years and she left me and was engaged to someone else within six months. He was there for me to talk whenever I needed it, there to come visit me whenever I needed a bro to hang out with. I handled that break up as I thought I should, privately with my closest friends. It took me a solid two years, but I finally got over it. I understand what heartbreak is, and although you may not agree with the way he left you, at least he did it privately and didn’t string you along for months at a time. This post is the adult equivalent of spreading a bunch of rumors about someone in sixth grade. Announcing to your readers that you’re over it is laughable, because to me it screams the exact opposite. There’s a time and a place for you to write something like this, and that time and place would be on a lonely Tuesday night curled up in your bed with a quart of ben and jerry’s phish food (or a jar of peanut butter, whichever you prefer) writing in your diary. For you to say that you wrote this for others to learn from is unbelievably untrue. What could you possibly learn from this? Please don’t try and tell me that you’re trying to teach other females that they need to get over someone who breaks up with them/treats them like poo/leaves them for someone else, because that’s common f***ing
sense. Moreover, I feel like you’re poor man’s version of a character from sex and the city. “poor me/all men are assholes/where’s my prince charming?” I’ll tell you where he is, and that’s avoiding insane females who blog about their past relationships. I can’t wait till the next guy reads this. You’re probably saying “there’s a guy out there who will understand and love me for me.” Wrong. Every man with a pair will read this and ACT like he understands and then RUN at the first sign of trouble.

In summation: 1.) you’re not over it
2.) he’s better off without you
3.) you have the maturity level of a middle school child.
4.) beat it, nerd!!!

Bros for life, Seth Alexander morse

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70 Brent Hann August 12, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Letโ€™s start with if you find it necessary to even have a blog you are at your core egotistical enough to think that someone really wants to hear your thoughts or view on the world we live in. And to write about something as personal as a failed relationship, shows 1. you are trying to convince yourself of something untrue, and 2. You are so insecure you are in need of fake vague responses from girlfriends that you know will always tell you what you want to hear. The fact I am even commenting on this says to my character that I feel it necessary to bring you down off your high horse, but I can admit that I’m not a good person. You are in your early 20’s, quit acting like James was the Answer to your Notebook, Disneyesque idea of Love. If you weren’t raised in the south you wouldnโ€™t even be thinking about a life spent with one person at your age. Just because your high school friends are Red and post wedding albums on facebook, you’re getting rattled. You can take my advice with a grain of salt however I will voice it. Get over the situation. Take a Zoloft and quit sulking in the corner. Maybe get out, have a good time with friends instead of sitting alone with a glass of wine writing about your life on the internet, hoping they will comment. NO ONE CARES. Including your friends.. And be honest with yourself. You are most upset you lost your Golden ticket to the James Davis Estate. I encourage you to break me down after this if you have the self esteem to post my comment. GOT HEEEEEM!!!

Oh and please tell your God Squad cult friend to not waste her time praying for me.

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71 Jess August 12, 2011 at 3:39 pm

Haters gonna hate!! Love your blog Alyssa ๐Ÿ™‚ I understand these guys are just trying to defend their buddy, but I can’t believe how tactlessly they have done so. Looks to me like they didn’t even bother reading your post and just decided to bash on you because they clearly don’t have anything better to do…sucks to be them!!

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72 sara @ the foodie diaries August 12, 2011 at 4:33 pm

To start, If Alyssa wanted to bash her ex, she has every right to because this is HER blog. But GUESS WHAT. She didn’t. She took the mature route. Blogging isn’t a diary, it’s an opportunity to be creative and express yourself. This was her way of expressing what she was feeling. I didn’t come away from this post hating or disliking her ex, not at all. I read this post and understood the pain Alyssa felt when she went through her breakup, pain that was a huge part of her life. I read this post and understood the conflict James was going through, because I have been in a situation similar to his. I chose to move to Rhode Island and follow my career rather than stay in my hometown with my boyfriend.

Alyssa may have written this post to help others, but what you guys don’t realize about the blogging community is that we’re here to help each other. I read this post and I immediately wanted to share my experience on why I chose to follow my career and maybe that would help her understand the way I understood how she felt after reading this. To jump down her throat for writing about this is both immature and childish. You could have conducted this in a mature manner and sent her an email telling her what you thought about the post, or you could have ignored it completey, seeing as I don’t think she said anything that could be considered “bashing” her ex. Instead you choose to attack her, her blog, and her relationship with James.

Alyssa could have chosen to write this post right after the break up, and it may have been filled with spiteful words that were a result of the hurt she was feeling, but she didn’t. She chose to wait until she felt completely over and above the situation. She waited until she had moved on. And that’s the mesasge she wanted to share with her readers, YOU WILL MOVE ON. This wasn’t for Alyssa to complain and whine about her life. On the contrary, she did it to help other girls/women who may be going through similar situations. Blogging is an opportunity to connect with others, and based on this post, so many people can relate to what she’s going through.

Alyssa, I love you! Thank you for sharing ๐Ÿ™‚ You’ve obviously helped so many other girl’s going through similar situations. Props to you!
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73 Laura @ prettylittlewords August 12, 2011 at 4:41 pm

This is a sad, but deeply honest and vulnerable story. Thank you so much for opening up to us ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m sorry you had to go through so much pain…I also ended a 2 year relationship a few years back, and it took a LONG time to process everything and move past it. We no longer talk, but he is now engaged and I’m very happy that he has found someone that fits him better than I ever could have. You are an amazing girl, and will obviously find a guy who can’t get enough of your adorable self ๐Ÿ™‚
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74 Duh August 12, 2011 at 4:42 pm

Seth,

According to the timestamp on your post, you commented on “August 12, 2011 at 2:34 p.m.”

It is currently August 12 at 12:42 p.m.

Something is afoot.

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75 Seth Morse August 12, 2011 at 4:59 pm

You go girl!!!

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76 Brent Hann August 12, 2011 at 5:42 pm

” FEELINGS!!!”

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77 Brittany @ A Spoonful of Peanut Butter August 12, 2011 at 6:22 pm

YOU GO girl!! It’s sad but I’m soooo glad that you became a stronger person! Life is all about being happy!!! ๐Ÿ˜€
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78 Whitney August 12, 2011 at 7:53 pm

Very brave post girl – and done in a mature way, unlike many of the comments here. Lots of ladies can relate to what happened to you & it’s great that they can see that they aren’t alone.

And to you douchebags who left nasty comments (who I’m going to guess are all single pieces of shit) – GET. A. FUCKIN. LIFE.

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79 Tiffany August 13, 2011 at 12:51 am

Amen sister. Any man who can’t tell you to your face that he doesnt want to be involved anymore can go suck your nuts. Not like literally of course……:)
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80 Afsar August 13, 2011 at 3:10 am

@Alyssa-I liked your post alot! And I wish you the best with everything:)
@Seth and Brent-Why would you guys be reading this blog post in the first place?

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81 lauren alysse August 14, 2011 at 2:37 pm

i stumbled across your blog from The Almost Runner, and I’m now going to be an avid reader. because you and I are coming from the same place. My boyfriend of 3 and half years broke up with me last february as well. And while there are still moments where it hurts and where I wonder ‘what if’ and ‘could it work out again in the future,’ i know that the breakup made me a better person. and that i will find someone again who will make me happier than i ever was, and make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

sending lots of love your way and looking forward to reading your blog! ๐Ÿ™‚
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82 Maggie ONeil August 14, 2011 at 5:41 pm

So it sounds like james is as desperate now as you were then. Im sorry to hear that. Hope he too gets over it in a few years.

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83 Tracy @ Tracy's Treats August 16, 2011 at 2:40 am

I really really appreciate you writing this post. I recently recently ended a 3 year relationship, and while I did the ending, it doesn’t mean that I wasn’t hurt by it. Your words resonated with me…and I can really relate to everything you said. In addition, I also recently started a blog and have been very hesitant to talk about my relationships on it. I really admire your courage to put your entire self forward on here. Keep your head up girl!

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84 Dee August 19, 2011 at 3:38 pm

Thank you for writing this… seriously. I just ended a 4 yr relationship and feel like these feelings arent going to get any easier. With or without him its still nice to hear that someone came out the other end of this situation and is happy!

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85 chandler September 7, 2011 at 5:08 am

Dear Miss life of “blyss”
clearly, you’re life is not up to par, and I literally read your blog on a daily basis because it makes me feel better about myself! So for that, I THANK YOU. No wonder your poor boyfriend broke up with you!!! WHo wouldn’t? You’re so pathetic that it makes me never want to give my daughter a computer! I would absolutely go insane if she sat at home night after sad little night, complaining and rejoicing about every little high, and every little low! Truly honey, get a life. You disgust me and you need to get out more, and I don’t mean for a 20 mile run where you had a wedgie the whole time…. Thanks, have a blyssful day!

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86 cait September 7, 2011 at 12:54 pm

lovely post. as always. heartbreaks are the biggest learning mistakes (not that all are mistakes) but thank goodness for friends and family who are always there for you. i had a similiar experience and was nervous to share it on the blog, but got wonderful support when i posted it. xo love ya girl!
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87 Maggie O'Neil September 7, 2011 at 1:01 pm

Why hello, you must be James “new pussy.” Yep, that’s what he calls you. It’s so nice to hear from you. I hope he has told you allllllll about me. I’d like to tell you a little about him.

A. you’re no different to him than any other girl
B. you’ll never measure up to Aly, looks-wise or intelligence
C. Can you run 20 miles? No, probably not, but maybe you should.

Thanks have a LOVELY day ๐Ÿ™‚

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88 Alyssa @ Life of bLyss September 7, 2011 at 2:08 pm

“Chandler,” If you don’t like it, don’t read it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Thankfully, it’s not people like you for whom I write my blog. I hope you can move on and forget about my blog and find a nice hobby in which you can can feel better about yourself and those around you. Is your candle burning brighter after trying to blow mine out? I truly hope it is, “honey.”

Maybe hit the beach so you don’t feel the need to troll blogs and put writers down.. I hear your* (not you’re- the possessive form of “your” has no apostrophe) area is quite nice down there in W-town! ๐Ÿ™‚

P.S. I wear those nice running shorts that don’t give you a wedgie. You should try ’em sometime. ๐Ÿ˜‰

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89 She Wishes September 7, 2011 at 8:40 pm

Oh Chandler-babe. Don’t hate. This thing was written a whole month ago and you are now only commenting? You are way behind on things girlie. Get.over.it.– You probably were not around a month ago and if you were…. so were a few other girls. So you are not that special. . I hope that you are excited on becoming another notch on the headboard and a character in his stories that he tells friends. So it seems he doesnt write down his stories like bLyss, but he does have some that he likes to share. *Warning for ya.* (Don’t say I never helped)

If you ever need a shoulder to cry on after he ends it via text message with you, i am sure that bLyss will be there to tell you “told ya so”.

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90 Sharsti November 7, 2011 at 9:17 pm

I just started following your blog, and I LOVE it! Thanks for sharing this post. It helps when I feel like I know the person=D I love to run, but I haven’t quite made my blog a ‘running’ blog, but thanks for taking us through your journey!

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91 natasha November 9, 2011 at 4:33 am

i’m a new reader, but thank you for this post.

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92 Kim December 18, 2011 at 9:44 pm

I love this post. My relationship of a year and a half just ended this week after I found out Mr. Prince Charming who was terrified of marriage and afraid of how long we had been together – was cheating on me to see what else was out there. I am angry, and hurt, and am having a hard time believing there is anyone out there who I will be as comfortable with as him, or laugh with, or love. I’m hoping one day I will find that person. Your post definitely helped me, thanks!

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93 Joey January 5, 2012 at 7:53 pm

LOVE the honesty in this post. I’m sure many, many girls can relate… You are SO much better off without him!

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94 Katie November 14, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I got broken up with in a text 3 days ago.

This post was sent to me by a friend… and made me feel a ton better.
you’re right…. things change… and you’ve got to move on.

thank you

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