Because I said so.
And here are my reasons why:
- I have to run a half marathon on Sunday. Duh.
- I refuse to end my life before partaking in a flash mob, making it on The Bachelor, raiding this season’s Semi-Annual Sale at Vic Secret, and learning how to do the two-finger whistle at baseball games.
- I need to kiss Chloe goodbye, and she’s still at boot camp.
- I haven’t properly taught my 7 year old nieces the words to “All I Do is Win.”
However, when my friend Jenna sent me “50 Reasons Why The World is Definitely Ending,” I couldn’t help but crack up. Well… maybe the world really is coming to an end.
According to this list, the world is ending tomorrow because:
- Snooki is a NY Times best-selling author
- Ke$ha took a shower (hey, stop hatin’ on my homegirl swag).
- Drugs are now in bath crystal form (seriously?)
- Someone’s mom cried when the Biebs cut his hair (come on, now the kid is safe from the whiplash).
- Gaga was spotted wearing jeans
- There’s a new drinking game. It entails pouring vodka into your eyeball (WHO is playing this, and where do they live? Clearly they need me to arrive with my repertoire of “Thumper,” “Kings,” “Quelf,” and “Loaded Questions”).
- A 19-year-old Mexican girl went on hunger strike in hopes that the Royal Wedding Party would invite her to their big day (wow, that girl sounds like a fun guest!).
- Glee broke Elvis and The Beatles’ Billboard Hot 100 Record (don’t hate).
- A lady is trying to sue a mall because she was texting and walking… and then did a faceplant in the mall fountain (text at your own risk, lady. Stop trying to swim in a mall. And if you’re wanting money out of this, maybe you should have picked up all the coins at the bottom and saved yourself a whole lotta paperwork).
- Aaaand this one speaks for itself:
And look! There’s even a company who will take care of your pets if you’re not around after “Judgement Day.” I’m so glad to see Chloe will be in such good hands (wait, why will she be safe if I’m not?).
Have you heard of this “prophecy?” Apparently, at 6:00 p.m. tomorrow, May 21, there will be an earth-shattering earthquake to signify “Judgement Day” has begun.
Nah. I have to run 13.1 miles on Sunday. Sorry, prophets. See ya Sunday.
If the world really did end at 6 p.m. tomorrow, what would you be doing beforehand?
See ya on the flipside of our Williamsburg half marathon “fun run.” Oh yeeuh.